Thursday, November 8, 2012

Corpses Are Fun!

BEST. SPAM. EVER.

Hi there sweet...

Would you mind to finding a young and nice girl of 25?

My name's Julya. I am from Ukraine.
Have you ever heard that the loveliest girls in the world live in my country? Don't even doubt!
I long for finding a special person for serious relations or even family life.
Aren't you the one I am searching for?(actually copied and pasted from spam)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA*breathes deeply*. Why does every spammer think I'm a lesbian?  I deleted the ad for the dating organization.

I had a dream last night about taking a pack of M&M's into bed with me, and then the yellow M&M was the only color in the world. I woke up, and looked for the pack. It was 2:53 AM.

The last two lines could be from a smokers' memoir.

TRUE STORY
In science class, we were making models of the solar system. I had chosen Saturn(oh how I love Hotaru-chan) and Neptune to make models of. Then, a kid noticed that there was I problem- Saturn was shown as larger than Jupiter. 
So I went to redraw Saturn, the planet of ruin. Then, it still seemed a little large. So, with the knowledge that I was right from looking at the measurements, which only I had copied down at my table, I checked. The other guy was wrong! When I informed him of this fact, he made me draw Jupiter, the planet of thunder, over for him, with the explanation that he'd just get it wrong again.
Now, this might just seem like I'm being drafted as the intellectual mule or pack horse of my group. BUT IT GETS WORSE.
I drew Jupiter, and colored it in with great precision, including the Great Red Spot, which the other guy* had neglected to draw. But it may not have been his fault, for lo and behold, a boy who I shall call Iago, in recognition of his semi-Shakespearean sounding name and bastardness, said I was using too many colors. 
"I'm using enough." I said.
"No, you're using too many. Let me color it in for  you."
Me: "NO."
So, I finished coloring, and I gave it to him to cut out, for that was his part of the project- the cutting out and taping of the planets to the poster-, with strict instructions to LEAVE THE COLORS ALONE. 
He promptly colored the whole thing in the most hideous shade of orange I've ever seen**.
I wait in hope that someday Hay Lin will suffocate him with her wind powers.
*Who actually isn't so bad for a SLACKER.
**Later, I discovered he'd colored in Saturn a hideous uniform orange, though a different shade than Jupiter. I colored that one in worse than Jupiter or Neptune, planet of oceans, but hey, I was rushed. Neptune was unharmed, which is OK.




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